#13. Older people/ Women winking at you

This is just weird because how do you interpret it? It’s like if you are a woman and some creepy old guy winks at you…I mean it’s not brain surgery why he’s winking. It’s the old ladies that put you through a brain teaser. You ask them a question something simple and non suggestive such as, “how are you doing today mam?” They respond, “oh! We are doing just fine, (wink).” Then you’re stuck in that middle ground where you’re thinking do I interpret that as a normal wink which is “no…. come help us”, a sarcastic wink, or just a ‘hey cutie’ wink. I mean the ways you could interpret the wink are endless…. then you walk away, still a little weirded out and always a little cautious. These ladies obviously don’t understand the meaning behind the gesture of a wink, so now your just awkward and uncomfortable and hoping for them to leave so the whole situation passes.

A good example of this is my mom winks at people all the time…why this creeps me out is because my mom is a naturally flirty person, she’ll flirt with anything, male, female, animal, kid… I mean it doesn’t really matter.. So when she winks at people, I just want to be like “hey mom what’s the wink for?”... and knowing that she unknowingly is winking as if it is just natural for her to wink at every stranger that accidentally blinks at her on the street is just weird. So when I get winks at totally inappropriate moments from women it makes me think back to my mom and I just get doubly creeped out.

EXCEPTION: Hot older men, in which case… wink away. 

Great catch of an awkward moment.

This greatness is from RandomBlog.org here is the link http://www.randomblog.org/awkward-moments/

#9. Dentist Appointments

One of those situations where you just walk away asking yourself, ‘Was that conversation really necessary?’ I mean there are plenty of appointments when small talk is required and you suck it up and do it. I’ll give you a quick list incase you aren’t quite sure the ones I’m referring to;

1)    Doctors appointments- do you smoke? Are you pregnant? What is wrong with you? They got to get to the nitty and gritty of your life to help…accept it

2)    At the cash register, if you don’t talk it just makes it more awkward, so a brief weather comment, love the shirt she’s wearing or something about how the technology these days is crazy…will suffice, once again accept it.

3)    Getting a massage, this one is kind of a stretch but I wanted to make it clear that even while getting a massage is it more acceptable to talk than while at the dentist…and let me tell you why in one brief sentence.

Metal instruments in your mouth.

When you have metal instruments in your mouth and your dentist is not only just asking you basic yes or no questions to keep the mood light and friendly but instead decides to have full on open ended conversations with you shit gets awkward. It not only makes the whole appointment go longer than necessary but also makes it incredibly awkward to answer any of these questions. Every time you try to answer their 3 part questions about how you are going to solve world peace, they either pull the things out of your mouth (which is actually taking away from the reason you are there in the first place) or they keep them in and let’s get real no one including you understands what you are saying.

I don’t think I have ever had quite as a thorough conversation with any other appointments than the ones I encounter at the dentist...that should change. 

                       

#8. Singing to a song that gets interrupted/turned off and your tone deaf

The key word in this one being tone deaf, which face it over 80% of the world is. The positive spin to this is that if you have somewhat of a good voice this actually helps your reputation with your friends. If a song randomly turns off and you sing some Mariah Carey high note that doesn’t sound completely terrible, everyone in the room instantly is like, ‘Whoa…Becky I didn’t know you could sing like that’ and before you know it BAM you have officially transformed into the ‘friend with the amazing voice’*.

On the flip side of this if you are tone deaf this is one of the most embarrassing times.

Picture it: it’s Whitney Houston’s I will always love you and ‘I…ey I….” is the next lyric…you know you can’t hit it but you try anyways because lets face it, it’s Whitney (best singer of all time) and you’re into it…anyways, music turns off mid ‘I’… you are definitely off key.

Everyone knows, you know, the people on the sidewalk look…do you laugh? Do you pretend like it didn’t happen? You’re already bright red, Do you say a funny remark…. I mean regardless of what you say and even though everyone in the car is probably in the same boat as you, it’s an awkward moment. Face gets red, cool factor definitely dives deep into negative numbers and after this one incident you are always extra careful of the high notes, music turned on or off.

* Downfall to being this one is that you will probably be made to sing for another month or so in front of all your closest friends displaying your kind of not off key, maybe pretty, back of the church choir voice. But hey at least your friends think you have some kind of talent.

#7. Giving a fake number and them calling you while you standing there

This is a rookie mistake, taking your phone out while some creeper is trying to talk to you. They will most likely ask for your number and then they most likely will say, “let me call you so you have mine too”.

Shit.

At this point if you have given a fake number your phone won’t ring…then you have to back track and think of some excuse, “oh.. did you think I said 6 I meant 9, my bad” or ‘this isn’t my phone I’m just holding my friends’….whichever excuse you use the likelihood of them believing you is slim to none, so either man up and give them the right number or just stand there in silence until a friend or interruption comes along where you can walk away feeling like a jerk.

My sister has traumatized me with these stories, so I generally try to avoid the number hand off at all costs or I suck it up and give them the right number while secretly writing DO NOT ANSWER as the contact info… my sister however has had a number of instances where she’ll give the wrong number, they call, it’s in her hand….and then BAM, its not ringing… and there she is, standing awkwardly, knowing it’s not going to ring but praying please just let someone call you or some miracle happen where you phone miraculously goes off… the guy looks at you…you look at him with pity in your eyes… and throw out the ‘oh look at the time…gotta get home” and hope he doesn’t see you get a drink at the bar on his way out.

#6. Dating Shows

Dating shows are my number one most uncomfortable feeling… Millionaire Matchmaker, Blind Date, The Bachelor etc… These shows all start off great, you’re enjoying yourself, laughing at the comical references, the outrageous people, the psychos, who claim they aren’t ‘really’ psycho the editing just makes them that way, (ya I’m sure). But then there is some point in the show, usually when the two people that are being set up actually meet, when shit hits the fan.

The show now turns from a good fun time into a show that is actually hard to watch. There is not a normal person that goes on these shows. For one reason really, if something wasn’t wrong with them they wouldn’t be on it because they wouldn’t be single and because all the normal, boring people don’t make good TV. I know that I am one of those uncomfortable moment kind of people that anything awkward happens and I myself start sweating…however when the bad charm, creeper people come out and try to woo these semi normal people it’s just hard to sit through for anyone.

My sister is an avid watcher of these dating shows and I try to sit through them with her to show some support. She laughs and jokes along with the shows and every time I tell her, please turn the channel this is hard to watch. Not saying my sister is some kind of harsh pessimist that likes to see people fail, but she enjoys these things and always tells me to suck it up and calm down. But to show just how awkward these shows are the other day we were sitting through Millionaire Matchmaker and to my non-surprise the two couples ended up NOT working out…shocking… however, it comes to a point where the couple is literally eating unborn duck fetuses and the creeper guy is asking the kindergartner teacher about becoming his future wife when my sister turns to me and oh so casually says “Ya, you’re right this is pretty awkward” and we both sit through the rest of the show trying not to be completely creeped out while still not turning the channel…

#5: The breathing in Yoga

This one is for all the ‘beginner’ to ‘mediocre’ yoga-goers out there…the first time in a yoga class is intimidating. Whether it’s Yoga, Bikram yoga or Pilates, there’s a lot to decide before even getting to the class. You have to worry about the mat, if you need a towel or not, decide what the appropriate attire is. As well as what do you bring, water, no water, water in a klean kanteen…etc…there’s a lot to worry about. 

Then once you get from the pre yoga worries you actually get to the yoga location and have to start worrying about the positions…

Downward facing dog, what?

Child’s pose…no thanks.

Warrior 1 and 2… honestly those don’t even sound like positions I could pretend to recreate…

Then to make it even harder you just aren’t that flexible…. This whole peaceful yoga experience seems just like an awkward situation to start with.

Then once you start going and you get the basic positions worked out after 5 minutes of figuring out just how far you move you feet and arms all while trying to discretely sneak glances at your fellow yoga-ers, you hear your first ‘breath in, breath out’ instruction. You, as most people may think to do, do the ‘doctor’s appointment’ breath in, breath out instruction. You know the one when the doctor has a stethoscope and you deeply inhale and then deeply exhale. Seems simple enough….or does it?

You take your first inhaled breath everything’s still pretty normal, nothing to worry about. Then once you let your guard down and start to exhale, you hear it. Everyone around starts hissing out these sounds as if the evil spirits are literally being released from their bodies….  Honestly, I’m not even really sure how to make the sound or where it comes from (some peaceful Zen place I have yet to find) but it’s not natural. At this point it just stops being relaxing and turns into pure panic…who are these people and what happened to those nice, relaxed yoga people I hear about?

At this point it’s your choice. Do I leave now, and be the pansy that walks out of a Yoga class? Do I stay and most likely start laughing? (Which is probably worse than actually walking out) or do I suck it up and try to get into the stress free (questionable) zone that all these hissing people apparently are at?

I leave this one up to you guys and let the Zen gods be with you.

#4: Dating: Saying the wrong person’s experiences with another person

I mean you could write a whole separate blog about the awkward dating moments we all have in life. One that I think I have a fair share with is mistaking specific conversations you’ve had with different guys.

I mean there is the normal name slip up, talk slip up “remember when I told you this”… the likes and dislikes.. “Oh ya you don’t like ice cream right because your lactose intolerant?” then they throw out the… “that wasn’t me…ice cream is my favorite food” comment back. I mean its not the end of the world, very easily played off… … “oh that must have been my best friend, my roommate…” generally it’s not the worst thing when you slip up. A minor awkward moment if you will.

It’s those times when you are CONFIDENT that it was that person and so you go to great lengths to describe the entire situation and how you know it was them and then at some point during the conversation a lightbulb turns on and ding….wrong person. Now you’ve gotten so far into your argument that it was them you can’t turn back. At this point you just go with it, I mean if your smooth you generally can pull it off, if you have no game…its just awkward. You both know it wasn’t him…so just try to casually stop the “I know it was you because we were on the couch after that dance club and the five tequila shots…” so that you don’t completely kill the situation you have going for you and hopefully are more careful in the future.

Along the same lines as this one is the text/technology mix up. Everyone has done it and if you haven’t…props. Everyone tries to get out of it, but no one ever believes you, you could have the best excuse in the world and honestly I have never once heard of someone actually believing the person about it.

The best example I have is I accidentally sent a text to one of my guy friends that I had no interest in but was into me “Come cuddle”, oops. Long story short, that text was supposed to go to another guy… wake up in the morning to a, “oh hey, what was that about…” and the only thing I could think of on the fly was, “Oh I was lonely, that was to my sister…wanted her to come keep me company”. I mean you can read bullshit through the words. And If I wasn’t lying, anyone that texts ‘come cuddle’ to their sister at 2 o’ clock in the morning…probably has something weird going on there too…

No one believes you, you don’t even believe yourself, you know it’s uncomfortable but you just go with it and try to avert the conversation to something else knowing both of you know what’s going on. 

#3 Mistaking a dog's gender and the owner gets upset....it's like really?

As mentioned in my previous post, it’s a pretty common mistake with kids and pretty uncomfortable. However, with dogs…it’s kind of up in the air. Dogs don’t look gender specific unless they are a specific breed like poodles, which if you were confused are always girls. I’m convinced there are no boy poodles. Same can be said about bulldogs, they are always boys. Even if it is a girl I just pretend it’s a boy regardless.

Anyways beside these gender specific breeds…you just never really know if it’s a boy or a girl and honestly who cares. It gets awkward when you mistake the gender of the dog and the owner actually gets upset. You know, or you hope, they would never actually say something to you but they get tense and throw out some snide remark back like ‘how could you not know my toy Yorkshire terrier that has a purple turtleneck sweater on was a boy?!??’

Attention all dog owners: In this situation, take a step back and realize it’s a dog, they don’t care so neither should you and if I was paying that much attention to your dog’s genitalia we’d have a whole different problem. 

#2 Mistaking a child's gender

This one is never a comfortable moment but there is a way to salvage the situation. Since in some situations you really can't get around saying ‘it or they’ when you just don’t know if it’s a boy or girl…you have to make a quick decision. When confusing the gender of some parent's God's gift to the universe child there are two ways to go about it. 


Situation 1: If you mistake a boy for a girl, you can save the situation a little easier. All you do in this situation is notice something that is just overwhelmingly beautiful about the child. 

Examples: thick curls, long eyelashes, beautiful skin.

Pick something and exaggerate just how overwhelmingly breathtaking this particular feature is on the child. The parent will most likely forget you mistook their precious child for the wrong sex and in return glow with joy about just how beautiful their child actually is, regardless of the real beauty of the kid.

Situation 2: Mistaking a girl for a boy, this one isn’t quite as easy to get out of. At this point I usually just try to blame the mistake on how I’ve been getting my words mixed up all day. Play it off as a long day or how tired you are… if this doesn’t seem to work just mention how you yourself were a tomboy or little girlie when you were young and everything worked out ok for you….

You’ll probably get looks of confusion and judgment but at least it takes the attention of the child mishap off the actual baby and onto what happened with you…